Just A Harmless Seige
by VVhiplash
Summary: Look what "Harmless Bank Robbery" spawned, a sequel!! Our favorite villains are at it again, this time terrorizing the Dark Ages. More cream pies than you can shake a stick at.
1. Take 1

Just A Harmless Siege (Couldn't Be Worse Than A Bank Robbery, Right?)  
  
A continuation of "Just A Harmless Bank Robbery"  
  
From Whiplash Productions  
  
Copyright Jazz: Mr. T suddenly appears in a flash of light. "Hey sucka', I pity the fool who thinks this guy owns Swat Kats! My mans from Swat Kats are copyright to Hanna-Barbara, and I don't wanna' hear no jibber-jabber 'bout it! The T has spoken!" Mr. T vanishes.  
  
*Author's Notation: Well, since some of you were just "dying" over my first work, I figured I might as well finish you off. Glad to see some folks who can take a joke and aren't easily offended. Then again, you haven't read this story yet. ;)  
  
--------------------------------The Palace  
  
Queen Callista gracefully perched herself on her bedroom's veranda, observing the countryside before her. A mustached gentleman's head suddenly rose above the veranda wall.  
  
"Pardon me, but do you have any gray poupon?" He asked punctually.  
  
"Heathen!!" Callista shrieked, punching the kat right in the face.  
  
The mustached kat's yell echoed as he crashed through many a tree and ended up landing in a cart full of natural fertilizer.  
  
"Oh crap," He stated furiously.  
  
"Not just any crap, friend, it's wholesale!" The driver corrected enthusiastically.  
  
"Ugh, I just hate cheesy cameos." Callista sighed, "Chambermaid! Get me a stiff drink."  
  
A rather plump looking she-kat entered the room with a jug and a goblet. The jug was filled to the brim with milk. The chambermaid poured a full goblet and handed it to the queen. Callista looked around nervously.  
  
"Um, you have the 'special ingredient', right Mildred?" She whispered, leaning close to the plump kat's ear.  
  
Giving an excited squeak, the chambermaid positioned herself in front of Callista. Waving her hands around mysteriously, Mildred showed there was nothing up her baggy sleeves and moved her paws up behind the queen's head. Snapping her fingers, the maid had seemingly pulled two small vials of liquid from each of Callista's ears. The queen gave an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Was that all?" She exclaimed, giving the maid a dirty look, "I now forbid you from practicing any innocent magic tricks! That sentence will go along with your previous punishments of not speaking, singing, moaning, sitting, hunching, fidgeting, jazzercising, flinching, blinking, eating, and breathing!"  
  
Mildred the chambermaid would have moaned, but she was forbidden to. So instead she meekly handed the two vials of white liquid to the queen. Quickly grabbing the small bottles, Callista pulled off the tiny corks, peered around suspiciously, then quickly poured the contents into her goblet of milk. Giggling sadistically, the queen raised her cup high.  
  
"Just imagine if those moronic town kats ever knew their dear queen was spiking her milk with cream. Ha, they may even actually think that I, Queen Callista, am just like them! Go figure, me, like those petty common folk. Ha ha ha!" Callista laughed gaily.  
  
Hoisting the goblet to her face, Callista downed her milk in one gulp, trickles of the white liquid seeping down her cheeks. Handing the now empty goblet to Mildred, Callista patted her chest with a clenched fist and let out the most amazing belch. As if on cue, there was a large explosion in the horizon and a teeth-rattling boom. Mildred looked at the queen, looked at the jug of milk, looked at the empty vials of cream, turned tail, and screamed right out of that room.  
  
"Mildred! Chambermaid! You are forbidden to scream! You hear me!" Callista shouted after the flying maid.  
  
Giving a pouting look and huffing disapprovingly, Callista turned around to be met by a large mushroom cloud looming in the distance.  
  
"Why that little!!" She gasped, "The Pastmaster's having another one of his barbeques?! And I wasn't invited!?! Oooh!!"  
  
-------------------------------- At what's left of the Pastmaster's castle . . .  
  
The ground was scorched black, and cream pies were splattered everywhere. Mac groaned, his metallic eyes opening. He gasped.  
  
"Molly! Molly!" He screamed, "I can't feel my legs, and I think my circuits are showin'!"  
  
"Stop gettin' fresh!" Molly's voice retorted from a short distance away.  
  
Mac peered to his left. From the corner of his eye, he could see Molly's head, but her body was nowhere to be found.  
  
"Molly! You spontaneously combusted!" Mac shrieked, "Have you been eatin' those rusty washers again? You know how Hackle told ya' to lay off 'em."  
  
"I'm gonna' spontaneously combust you's, bolt head!" Molly yelled, "An explosion blew our bodies to smithereens!"  
  
At that moment, a low groan was heard and a portion of the ground shifted. A thin layer of ash fell from Dark Kat's cloak as he stood up on two shaky feet. Pushing on his back, Dark Kat let out a shriek of pain and relief as his spine realigned itself. He then twisted his neck with a few sickly snaps and did some jumping jacks to finish the job.  
  
"Ah, much better," He sighed, patting his paws.  
  
A horrible thought suddenly struck the big kat.  
  
"Jezebel!!" Dark Kat cried, running around madly.  
  
In his insane scramble, Dark Kat stumbled over Mac and Molly's heads, sending him flailing to the hard ground. The two Metallikats were screaming their heads off, no pun intended.  
  
"Hey! Did you just walk all over my face, stupid?" Mac accused, his head flipped on its side.  
  
"Gee, stupid, I'd have loved to, but only problem is, I don't have a body!" Molly replied.  
  
"Who you callin' stupid, stupid!" Mac challenged.  
  
"You, stupid! Cause stupid is what stupid does, and you've sure done a lot of stupid stuff, stupid!" Molly reared.  
  
"I dare ya's ta' say that stupid sentence ten times fast, stupid!" Mac threatened.  
  
"Cause stupid is what-"  
  
"Will you two just shut, up!" Dark Kat yelled hysterically.  
  
"Who died and made you kat of the year, stupid?!" Mac shouted.  
  
"Look. Have you seen a bull, weighs two tons, about this high?" Dark Kat asked.  
  
"Is that him?" Mac asked, looking at a big rock.  
  
"No."  
  
"Is that him?" Molly asked, looking at a tree.  
  
"No."  
  
"Is that him?" Mac asked, looking at a piece of steak.  
  
"No."  
  
"Is that him?" Molly asked, looking at a scorched VW Beetle.  
  
"No."  
  
"Hmm. Sorry, can't help ya'. Although there is that red bone over there." Mac stated.  
  
Dark Kat gasped, looking around wildly. Once he spotted the red bone, which looked to have a hand on the end of it, the big kat scrambled towards it.  
  
"Jezebel," He sobbed, taking the red bone and clutching it against his chest, "Poor Yorik, I knew him well. I will always keep this red bone with a strange hand at the end of it, to remember you, dear Jezebel. You weren't the smartest bull in the bunch, but you were darn sure the cutest. Rest in peace, my darling Jezebel. Now that you're in the big feedlot in the sky, give old Yeller a bone for me, and tell Scarlet that I do give a-"  
  
Dark Kat peers menacingly at the PG rating.  
  
"Well, you know, Jezebel."  
  
With that, Dark Kat placed the bone inside his cloak, looked up into the smoggy ash filled sky, and-  
  
"STEEEEELLLLLLAAAAAA-Ack!"  
  
Dark Kat broke into a fit of heavy coughing, the dust-filled air penetrating his lungs.  
  
"Curses!" He gasped, choking, "C . . . Can't even grieve . . . without . . . stupid . . . asthma . . .!"  
  
Stirred by Dark Kat's yelling and excessive coughing, the Pastmaster slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"Blast it!" He cursed, "I lost my contact!"  
  
Sitting up, the Pastmaster made sure his timepiece was safely tucked away in his hooded garment.  
  
"Phew, it's there." He confirmed, relieved, "So why does it feel like I'm missing something? Hmm, well, no matter. I must go torture those idiots who crashed my pad."  
  
Standing up, the Pastmaster felt wobbly, unsteady, as if he'd lost his balance completely. Stumbling over to the hacking, doubled-over form of Dark Kat, the small skeleton kat attempted a kick, but instead, missed completely and ended up falling onto his back.  
  
"Oh! Curse my infernal old high school injury!" He exclaimed.  
  
Grabbing his inhaler, Dark Kat took several deep breaths through it slowly and soon calmed his spasmodic coughing. Giving a grateful sigh, his voice still scratchy, Dark Kat turned to the Pastmaster's feeble body lying on the ground.  
  
"Who're you?" Dark Kat asked.  
  
"I am the great all-powerful sorcerer- SPLEEN!!" The Pasmaster suddenly wailed, grabbing his hip.  
  
"Nice to meet you then, Spleen! I'm Dark Kat!"  
  
"I know who you are, stupid! And my name isn't spleen!"  
  
"But you just-"  
  
"Forget what I said! Just-"  
  
The red bone Dark Kat had in his cloak had been jostled violently during the big kat's coughing spasms, and at that moment, it fell out onto the ground.  
  
"Whoops! Dropped my bone!" Dark Kat chimed giddily, picking it up. "Say, this kinda' looks like yours? Well, except for the fact that it's Jezebel's."  
  
The Pastmaster's jaw tightened, and his eyes bulged. Slowly, ever so slowly, he craned his neck around to look at his left shoulder. What he saw was nothing. Nothing, right where his left arm should've been. With nary a whimper, the Pastmaster fainted.  
  
"Holy bolts! Yous killed him!" Mac exclaimed, bouncing up to the scene.  
  
"I saw the whole thing!" Molly shouted, her head hopping there as well.  
  
Dark Kat looked at them pleadingly.  
  
"He died on his own! I swear! He saw Jezebel's remains and totally croaked!" Dark Kat defended.  
  
"Lemme' see dat!" Mac ordered, his head pouncing on the red bone.  
  
"Looks like this is the gramp's arm." Molly stated, following her husband's head.  
  
"Yeah, Jezebel's bone does look similar to his, doesn't it." Dark Kat nodded.  
  
Mac blinked. "Jezebel was a bull . . ."  
  
". . . yeeeah . . ." Dark Kat replied.  
  
" . . .This guys a skeletin of a kat." Molly pointed out slowly.  
  
" . . . and your point is . . .?" Dark Kat prodded.  
  
"Excuse us, we need ta' have a small deliveration." Mac stated solemnly.  
  
"Deliberation, stupid." Molly corrected.  
  
"Hey! Don't start that stupid stuff with me again, stupid!" Mac chided.  
  
So Dark Kat waited patiently as the two Metallikats, down to only their heads, whispered furiously with one another.  
  
"So he's an idiot?" Mac asked.  
  
"Yeah." Molly answered.  
  
"We bury the red guy?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What about the bone with the hand doohickey hangin' off it?"  
  
"Aw, let the schmuck keep it. It'll give 'em somethin' ta' do while we're lookin' for a way outta' here's." Molly replied.  
  
Dark Kat heard a loud "Break!" and soon both of the metallic bobbing heads came up to him.  
  
"Okay. We've agreed that grandpa here died of natural causes." Mac pronounced.  
  
"Poor, Spleen. Lets give him a proper burial." Dark Kat sniffed, wiping a tear from his eye, "It seems everyone I love always dies."  
  
The Metallikats looked at each other uneasily. Meanwhile, Dark Kat happened to fall upon a shoebox that was just lying around.  
  
"It's perfect!" He exclaimed happily, grabbing the Pastmaster's limp body and scrunching it up into the tiny space.  
  
"Oooh . . . good thing he's dead." Mac commented.  
  
Throwing him in, the shoebox landed upside down.  
  
"Ya' put him in the wrong way, bats for brains!" Molly cursed.  
  
"Yeah, that way his ghost would be mixed up if he tried to come back and haunt us." Dark Kat defended.  
  
"G-Ghost?" Mac gulped, looking around nervously.  
  
"Don't be moronic! Ghosts don't exist!" Molly barked.  
  
"I'm not being m . . . mor . . . stupid! I'm being safe!" Mac shot back, starting to hop away.  
  
"Hey! Get back here, ya' wimp! I'm not through with yous yet!" Molly shouted, giving chase.  
  
Quickly pushing the burnt up Volkswagen over the Pastmaster's grave, for lack of dirt, Dark Kat started after the two metallic heads. Mac was coming upon a dark, scary looking forest.  
  
"Cripes! A dark, scary forest! Molly'll never think to find me in here!" Mac thought aloud.  
  
Molly and Dark Kat finally made it to the scene.  
  
"Holy moly! That idiot went into the dark, scary forest." Molly sighed.  
  
"How do you know?" Dark Kat questioned, "Is it because of the head tracks leading into the forest?"  
  
"No." Molly responded.  
  
"Is it because of all the snapped twigs and broken leaves close to the forest's entrance?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Is it because of this large pile of dung that has Mac's face impressed on it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why do you think Mac went into that dark, scary forest?" Dark Kat asked, exasperated.  
  
Molly nodded her head to a small make-shift sign. It read "Mac Metallikat Is NOT In This Dark, Scary Forest!" Dark Kat was confused.  
  
"But that sign says that Mac isn't in the dark, scary forest." He pointed out.  
  
"Exactly! So you knows what that means?" Molly said daringly.  
  
" . . . No . . ."  
  
"It means that lug head is ON the forest! I can always tell when Mac's tryin' ta' pull the steel wool over my eyes!" Molly exclaimed.  
  
"On . . . the forest?" Dark Kat puzzled.  
  
"Can you fly?" Molly suddenly asked.  
  
"No . . . but I can do a swell James Earl Jones impression!" Dark Kat said cheerfully.  
  
"Can James Earl Jones fly?" Molly asked.  
  
"No . . ." Dark Kat responded.  
  
"Then quit bringing him into this! We's gotta' find Mac, and then find a ways outta' this Dark Age dump!" Molly reproached.  
  
Not two steps into the forest, which would be four hops for Molly, two cream pies smacked into both kats' faces.  
  
"Ambush!" Dark Kat cried, grabbing Molly's head and diving into a bush before more pies could pelt them.  
  
Unfortunately, the bush Dark Kat decided to jump into was a thorn bush. Yelping in pain, Dark Kat threw Molly straight up into the air, where she was target to three pies. Quickly pulling the thorns from his tail, Dark Kat realized Molly was missing.  
  
"Mol-Ow!" He shouted, as Molly's head dropped onto his.  
  
Molly was spitting mad and spitting pie.  
  
"Ya' lousy excuse fer a head warmer!" She screeched, "You know how hard it is to wipe pie from your face when ya' ain't gots any hands!"  
  
"Uh . . . wait a minute," Dark Kat said, fumbling inside his coat, "I think I have a seltzer bottle in here somewhere. Let's see . . . chains, no . . . mace, no . . . pepper spray, no . . .pet bat, no . . . shrunken heads, no . . . rubber ducky, no . . . cinnamon flavored sneeze powder, no . . ."  
  
Dark Kat felt a light tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he came face to face with a goofy looking clown.  
  
"Excuse me," Dark Kat stated politely, "but have you seen my seltzer bottle?"  
  
"Daaaaahh." The clown started, "Nope!"  
  
Whipping out a glass seltzer bottle from behind his back, the clown squirted Dark Kat and Molly right in the face. Suddenly, the whole bush was surrounded by clowns, their seltzer bottles and various fake flowers poised at Dark Kat and the one Metallikat.  
  
"You know what I think," Dark Kat whispered to Molly, "I think that clown was lying to me."  
  
Molly just looked at him.  
  
--------------------------------In the shoebox . . .  
  
"Oh . . . my hip!" The Pastmaster whimpered, "Wait! Where am I? Is this . . ."  
  
A golden aura surrounded him, and all the pain left his body.  
  
"Heaven!! . . . wait . . . I could've sworn I sold my soul about two centuries ago! What's the big idea?" He suddenly exclaimed.  
  
"Don't get your cartilage out of whack, Bones baby!" A less than angelic voice suddenly sang.  
  
Covering his eyes, with his only hand, the Pastmaster made out Elvis Katsley shining in front of him. He had a golden guitar in his paws, shades covering his eyes, and a halo dangling from his immense hair.  
  
The Pastmaster gasped. "The King!"  
  
"That's right, uh huh." Elvis replied.  
  
"So . . . am I . . . really . . .?"  
  
"Nope. I'm actually just a figment of your overactive subconscious mind, honey."  
  
"Dabnabit!!" The Pastmaster cursed, "How is that my friends get abducted by UFO's, haunted by the paranormal, and I can't even say Elvis lives!!"  
  
"I'll always live on, in your heart, baby." Elvis sang, giving a small shake of his hips.  
  
The Pastmaster cooed happily. He just loved watching Elvis shake his hips.  
  
"But there's no time for happy thoughts. You're land is in grave danger." Elvis strummed.  
  
"Aw, shucks." The Pastmaster blushed, "I do my best."  
  
"Not by you, Bones, but by some other moronic idiots." Elvis corrected.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"That's right, uh huh. And you've gotta' wake up and send them back to where they came from."  
  
Realization struck the Pastmaster just then, as he realized his arm socket was still vacant.  
  
"Cripes!! So you're telling me those morons from Megakat City are trying to steal my show?!" He shrieked.  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Those buffoons? I must be dead . . ." The Pastmaster moaned, holding his head unbelievingly.  
  
"Look, honey, I've already wasted too much of my valuable time chattin' it up with ya', so it's time to wakey-wakey." Elvis stated, looking at his pedicured nails boringly.  
  
In one swift movement, the king picked up his golden guitar and smashed it over the Pastmaster's head.  
  
"Wha? Who? Hair?" The Pastmaster mumbled, opening his eyes.  
  
He was in a shoebox.  
  
"Curses! Those fools must've tried to bury me alive!" The Pastmaster cried, "Unfortunately for them, they fail to realize that I have a Bachelor's degree in coming back from the dead. Mwahahaha!!"  
  
Without giving it a second thought, the Pastmaster began digging his way through the hard soil with only his one arm. Little did he know about Dark Kat's superstitious nature about burying kats upside down.  
  
--------------------------------At the clown posse's very secret hideout . . .  
  
Dark Kat trudged scornfully between two clown guards, Molly's head perched on his shoulder. Water dripped freely from both of their forms, as they appeared to have just gotten the soaking of their nine lives. Molly, surprisingly, wore a cocky smirk.  
  
"I was right, ya' big lug! They do have better aim than Mac! That's ten bucks ya' owe me!" She sneered.  
  
"Curses! I hate water!" Dark Kat announced, "And to make it worse all I have are fifties!"  
  
"Betcha' forty bucks they'll sacrifice us." Molly suddenly stated.  
  
"You're on!" Dark Kat blurted out before thinking. Surely, he figured, these clowns weren't into some cult religion.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," A clown guard ahead was saying to another. "We'll sacrifice the big one and make a nice china set out of the two heads."  
  
Dark Kat's jaw dropped. Molly grimaced.  
  
"That's disgustin'. Just thinkin' about your internal organs bein' eaten offa' my face make's me sick!" She said sourly.  
  
Dark Kat pulled a fifty-dollar bill from inside his cloak and handed it to Molly.  
  
"Molly? Dim Kat? Is it really yous guys?!" A metallic voice shouted.  
  
"Mac?!" Molly looked over to see her husband's head stuck on a pole in the ground.  
  
"Cool, huh? They said I saved them the trouble o' cuttin' my head off!" Mac excitedly stated.  
  
"Yeah . . . whee . . . cool," Dark Kat said, very unenthused. "Wait, did you call me Dim Kat?"  
  
"Hey, Mac! Look how much money I swindled from Dumb Kat here!" Molly shouted, holding up the fifty somehow with no hands.  
  
Anyone within earshot started laughing. Dark Kat blushed furiously.  
  
"Ahem. The name's Dark Kat . . ." He mumbled.  
  
"Dork Kat, Dumb Kat, same difference!" Mac stated flatly.  
  
"Here's a big difference!" Dark Kat suddenly growled, "I'm the one with a functioning body that could crush your head like a can of cheese spread!"  
  
"I'm sure your body could, fatty!" Molly jeered.  
  
"Enough!!" A loud voice suddenly boomed. Three pies smashed into our villains' faces.  
  
An especially short and round clown stepped up to the prisoners. He had on a tattered bowler with the name "Boss" written on the front. Shaking off the pie, the three captured villains couldn't help but giggle and snicker at this 'leader' before them. The clown smiled sadistically.  
  
"I'm glad to see you all find your deaths to be as amusing as I do." He stated, in a very shrill, squeaky, high voice.  
  
The three captives got an even bigger kick out of this and burst out laughing. Turning red and steam escaping from his ears, the boss clown turned around and stormed off.  
  
"Throw them in the pie!" He growled, still in a squeaky voice.  
  
"Hey, guys! They're gonna' make us into a . . . pie! AHAHAHA!!" Mac roared with laughter.  
  
"Yeah! They're probably gonna' sacrifice us to the all powerful Peter Pie- per!" Dark Kat howled.  
  
"My ma' always did tell me to 'turnover' a new leaf!" Molly cackled.  
  
The three cohorts continued to laugh insanely, as they were picked up and indeed thrown into a gigantic piecrust. As their sides ached from laughing so hard, they all could barely manage a giggle.  
  
"Hey! Where's the cream filling?" Mac asked.  
  
This sprung yet another fit of hysterical laughter from all of them, as the boss clown peered down at them from a ladder leaning against the top of the crust. He shook his hand defiantly, but only squeaks were audible, and the three snickering villains couldn't hear one way or another.  
  
"And that's why clowns honk their noses!" The boss's last words finally echoed through the immense piecrust.  
  
"Wha?" Dark Kat asked, completely baffled.  
  
"I thought they were gonna' make us into pie?" Molly questioned.  
  
"Pour in the coconut cream!!" The boss suddenly demanded.  
  
A fierce beeping noise could be heard, and then several bulldozers dumped a whole heck of a lot of coconut cream into that piecrust.  
  
"OH MY-"  
  
"HOLY-"  
  
"MOMMI-"  
  
The three's voices were cut off, as the coconut cream engulfed them, filling the huge piecrust all the way to the top.  
  
"Hoohoohoo! Heeheehee! Haahaahaa!" The boss clown laughed, snatching a bit of cream with his finger. "How sweet it is!"  
  
--------------------------------To be continued . . .  
  
Oh no! Looks like our laugh-happy villains have gotten themselves into quite a predicament . . . multiple chapters! Gasp! Well, hope you enjoyed the first installment and stay tuned for regular developments in this plotline. Hopefully I'll be able to get more accomplished within the next few chapters without them dragging along as this one has. Eh heh . . . 


	2. Take 2

Just A Harmless Siege: Take 2  
  
From Whiplash Productions  
  
Copyright Jazz: Mr. T suddenly appears in a flash of light. "Hey sucka', I pity the fool who thinks this guy owns Swat Kats! My mans from Swat Kats are copyright to Hanna-Barbara, and I don't wanna' hear no jibber-jabber 'bout it! The T has spoken!" Mr. T vanishes.  
  
*Author's Notation: Okay, well, I guess all I can say is keep those reviews pouring in. *laughs*  
  
--------------------------------Thousands of miles below the crust . . .  
  
The Pastmaster's feverish digging had slowed somewhat, and breathing became a tad difficult.  
  
"Phew! Those scum buckets! They must've buried me deep!" He cursed, continuing to claw away at the hard soil.  
  
Things began getting warm. The earth he clawed into was hot to the touch, and beads of sweat began to form on the Pastmaster's brow.  
  
"My, it must be hot on the surface. Could it be because of . . . nah! The greenhouse effect is only a myth! Told to young kittens to make them take a bath. Hahaha! Silly me." He laughed, digging on.  
  
--------------------------------*We interrupt this regularly scheduled story to bring you this*  
  
Dr. Viper is seen in front of a lush tropical backdrop.  
  
"Hello kiddiesssss! Your good friend Dr. Viper here!" He greets, waving.  
  
A small, innocent looking kitten strolls up to Viper.  
  
"Gee Dr. Viper!" He says in that kiddish voice, "Why are you interrupting the story?"  
  
Dr. Viper smiled knowingly, kneeling to the small boys level.  
  
"Well you sssssee Jimmy," He starts, "I want to take thissss time to tell all our friendsssss out their about the greenhoussssse effect."  
  
Jimmy looks puzzled. "Golly Dr. Viper, I thought that was only a myth to get me to take a bath!"  
  
Viper chuckles, placing his paw on Jimmy's shoulder. "Oh no, Jimmy! You sssssee, the greenhoussssse effect isssss very much a reality! Unfortunately, lotssss of other katizenssss think of it only as a myth." He consoles.  
  
"Well, I don't understand," Jimmy said, giving that cute confused look, "If it's not a myth, then why aren't us kats doing something about it, Dr. Viper?"  
  
"I don't know, Jimmy. I don't know," Dr. Viper said sorrowfully, patting the kitten's head.  
  
"Well, I think, we all should stop doing whatever it is that's making this greenhouse effect!" Jimmy said determinedly.  
  
"That'ssssss the ssssspirit!" Viper rallied, "Here, drink thissss down."  
  
Dr. Viper grabbed a mutagen formula from his coat, and shoved its contents down a startled-looking Jimmy's throat. Viper chuckled, patting the kittens back as Jimmy took on many colorful faces.  
  
"Heh, heh, that'sssss a lad," He murmured.  
  
Young Jimmy suddenly grew in size and out of shape, turning into a gigantic palm tree monster. Viper stood smiling.  
  
"Oh! Excussssssse me for a moment, will you kiddiessss! Got a bit of a (ahem) sssscratch in my (cough)destroymegakatcity(cough) throat! (ahem) Ah, much better!" Dr. Viper coughed.  
  
The giant palm tree monster started off in the horizon towards MKC.  
  
"Remember," Viper stated, smiling broadly, "The power, issss yourssssss!"  
  
--------------------------------*We now return you to our regularly scheduled story*  
  
--------------------------------At the clown's secret hideout . . .  
  
Dark Kat and the two Metallikats stood in the middle of what looked to be a wrecked village. Coconut cream was splashed everywhere.  
  
"Holy kats! Can you believe what just happened?!" Dark Kat asked excitedly.  
  
"I know!" Mac exclaimed, jumping up and down.  
  
"Boy, I'm sure glads I didn't miss it! If I would've missed what just happened here, I'd sure feel like a dolt!" Molly shouted.  
  
"Tell me about it!" Dark Kat yipped, "The action! The ferocity! The coconut cream!"  
  
"Just like it came out of a fanfic or somethin'!" Mac howled.  
  
"All this excitement's makin' me woozy," Molly sighed.  
  
The round, pie covered form of the boss clown made its way up to the trio.  
  
"Golly, that was incredible! Amazing! Stupendous, what you just did!" He exclaimed.  
  
"That's what we were just sayin'." Mac acknowledged.  
  
The boss clown sighed deeply, as more of his clown followers came up behind him sadly. The three villains were a tad confused by the sad faces.  
  
"Hey, what's the matter you guys?" Dark Kat asked.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing," The boss clown sniffled, his squeaky voice reaching new heights, "It's just that we'll never see our beloved cult leader again."  
  
"But I thought that yous was the leader of this cult?" Mac questioned.  
  
The boss twiddled his thumbs.  
  
"I'm only temporary cult leader. You see, when our former great leader was taken away from us, several of our old wise clown kats said they had a vision in the form of a dream."  
  
"We did not!" A feeble voice in the background shrilled.  
  
"They said our great leader demanded a sacrifice of one big purple kat, and two metallic heads, before he'd be able to come back." The boss clown continued.  
  
"We were talking about the weather!" The feeble voice continued.  
  
"And then they all let forth with a strange howling, that marked the time was near for us to find our sacrifices." The boss clown stated.  
  
"Dadgumit! It was our kidney stones!" The feeble voice proclaimed.  
  
Dark Kat and Co. were taken aback. The big kat held his head in thought. The Metallikats couldn't hold their heads in thought, because they had no bodies.  
  
"Wait, wait a minute. You guys have only been in the past for maybe, I dunno', an hour at the most! How could you have had a great leader, then lost him, then appoint a new leader, in just an hour?" Dark Kat queried.  
  
The clowns were speechless. More coconut cream dripped from their forms. Someone sneezed. Dark Kat was getting suspicious. He narrowed his eyes, peering around at the soggy mess around him.  
  
"You!" Dark Kat grabbed one of the old wise kats, "Talk!"  
  
"You'll never break me, ya' hear!" He shrieked.  
  
Dark Kat slapped him, then tossed the old kat aside. "What about you, soldier? You gonna' talk?" Dark Kat picked up another clown.  
  
"I-I-I swear! I-I-I don't know anything!" The clown gasped, quivering from head to toe.  
  
Dark Kat slapped him as well, threw him aside, then grabbed yet another clown. "Talk!!"  
  
"Well, what do you want to know?" The clown asked.  
  
"I ask the questions around here!" Dark Kat slapped the clown. He picked up the boss. "What do you know?"  
  
"All I know is-" Dark Kat slapped him.  
  
"Hey! I was gonna' tell you that-" Dark Kat slapped him.  
  
"Well if you'd stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped him once again.  
  
"Geesh! Just stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped Mac.  
  
"Enough already! Stop sl-" Dark Kat slapped Molly.  
  
"I'm the one interrogating here and if I wanna' sl-" Dark Kat slapped himself. Dark Kat dropped the boss clown and held his jaw awkwardly. "Oh my."  
  
"Gee, thanks for the swell concussion." Molly retorted.  
  
"Terribly sorry. Guess I'm just uptight is all." Dark Kat sighed, holding his right arm uncomfortably.  
  
"Yes, well," The boss started, standing up, "We're all uptight here since Queen Callista stole our great leader."  
  
"Who?" All three villains asked in unison.  
  
"Queen Callista, runs Megalith City, can't miss the place." The boss said.  
  
"So just who was this great leader of yours that this Queen Callista kat- napped?" Mac asked.  
  
"Why! His most honorable majesty, Madkat."  
  
--------------------------------In Megalith City, the royal boredom room . . .  
  
Queen Callista yawned, as she awaited the next imbecile who'd jump out into the room and try to entertain her. That weird jester, whom they had picked up from some strange face-painted natives, was up next. She certainly hoped he at least could give a good joke.  
  
"Hey, hey! Watch the spandex!" A loud voice was shouting.  
  
Moments later, Madkat was dragged in on the scene and dropped in front of a drowsy queen. He smoothed back his cap and took note of his surroundings.  
  
"What is your name?" Callista asked, bored.  
  
"Madkat, leader of the clowns!" Madkat pronounced bravely.  
  
"I'll say," The queen muttered, "Well, let's have it, shall we?"  
  
Madkat just stood there awkwardly. "Um . . . what?"  
  
Callista rolled her eyes and showed immense exasperation.  
  
"You are a jester, are you not?" She questioned.  
  
"Well, um, I guess," Madkat responded.  
  
"Then entertain me, you imbecile!"  
  
Madkat shuffled uneasily. Callista grew impatient.  
  
"Well?!"  
  
"It's like this queenie. I-"  
  
"What did you call me." Callista interrupted, her face becoming shadowed.  
  
"Uh . . . Queenie?"  
  
Lightening flashed in Callista's eyes, and all the servants began trembling with fright. The queen stood from her chair, a dark aura seeming to radiate from her. She suddenly broke out laughing. Madkat chuckled uneasily, as the queen draped herself over him, slapping her knees. "Queenie!! Ahahaha!! That was great!!" Callista howled, unable to stand upright.  
  
The servants began to chuckle a bit as well. Callista's humorous demeanor suddenly evaporated, and she shot an icy stare at the servants. They shut up.  
  
"Well, uh, guess I made you laugh! Can I, um, go now?" Madkat asked.  
  
"Why, of course you can!" The queen said brightly.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"As soon as I become bored with you." She hastily added.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"And, as all the servants know," Callista looked at all the servants, who were shaking like leaves, "Whenever I become bored with someone, they are no longer allowed to, oh how shall I say it, exist!"  
  
"Oh!"  
  
--------------------------------Back at the clown's secret hideout . . .  
  
"Madkat?" The three villains pondered, looking at one another.  
  
"I say, how did he get in the dark ages?" Dark Kat queried, to no one in particular.  
  
"What a bloody mess this is!" Molly spat.  
  
"Yes, I should say so! Look at all this coconut cream!" Mac referenced, looking around.  
  
"Not that, you mongrel!" Molly shouted.  
  
The three villains suddenly looked at each other in realization.  
  
"Excuse us for a bit, love." Dark Kat smiled, going off screen.  
  
"Us too, love." The Metallikats said, just as sweetly.  
  
The sounds of gnashing, and punching, and whamming, and slamming were heard off screen, as the clown's covered their eyes. Coming back on, the trio had a pleased look on their faces. Three British kats crawled across the screen, severely beaten.  
  
"That'll teach the author to try and dub us! Right guys?" Dark Kat stated, patting his paws.  
  
"Yous said it! I'm not even a Brit! I'm Italian!" Mac replied.  
  
"You're a meatball." Molly muttered.  
  
"So, um, yeah," The Boss started, "Will you help us get our cult leader back?"  
  
"Well, um, I guess we should. It is the main plot device, after all." Dark Kat stated.  
  
"Jolly good!" Mac cried.  
  
Molly looked at him.  
  
"Heh, just jokin'. . ." He chuckled uneasily.  
  
"Fine! Then we'll start immedietly! I'll send one of my clown's with the demand for Madkat's release!" The Boss said heartily.  
  
--------------------------------Back at the royal boredom room . . .  
  
"So the dog said, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!'" A drumbeat followed.  
  
Callista fell out of her throne laughing.  
  
A page entered the room, quivering in front of the rolling queen.  
  
"My queen, a messenger has come to see you." The page cowered.  
  
Brushing herself off, Callista resumed her throne position and summoned the messenger in. It was a small, lanky looking clown. He cautiously stepped into the room, peering around unsurely.  
  
"Enter already, ya' dumb moronic little . . ." Callista growled, tapping her fingers impatiently.  
  
Giving a startled yelp, the messenger threw himself in front of the throne, almost trampling over Madkat.  
  
"I've a meaeir foer uaor mey Qeausn Cailatesa oer Mekalifst Sedy!" The clown stammered. His face was completely in the floor.  
  
Callista sighed, nodding to one of her guards. The guard approached the quaking clown and stepped on his tail. The messenger's head shot up.  
  
"I've a message for you Queen Callista of Megalith City!!" He shrieked.  
  
"I guess you could say, that was a *step* in the right direction!" Madkat commented, a drumbeat following.  
  
"Spit it out. I haven't all day you know." The Queen stated.  
  
"We of the clown kat cult would like our great cult leader back . . . if possible . . . please?" The messenger recited meekly.  
  
A stormy look passed Callista's face. It was there for an instant, until her demeanor changed dramatically to that of sweet innocence.  
  
"Oh! But of course, my good kat! Here, now, stand up!" She said sweetly, "But before we release him, I'd like to show you something very special!"  
  
The clown messenger, very relieved by the positive reception, graciously followed the queen. They started up a winding staircase accompanied by two guards and Mildred, the cursed chambermaid. Madkat was put back in his padded room. Upon reaching the top, the messenger found they had climbed up to the highest tower overlooking Megalith city and on the edge of the moat, hundreds of feet below. It was a sight indeed.  
  
"Wow! This is great!" The clown chirped, leaning dangerously far over the wall to get a view.  
  
Acting quickly, Callista had Mildred take off her right dress shoe and replace it with a hefty boot adorned "Ye Royal Booting Shoe".  
  
"Hey! I think I can see our camp from heEEEREEEEEE!!!" The clown yelled all the way to the bottom, when he hit the water of the moat.  
  
Sputtering furiously, he would've thrown some pretty rough language the laughing Queen's way had it not been for the gleaming white teeth of the pet crocodiles that drove him to shore.  
  
--------------------------------Back at clown HQ . . .  
  
Everyone was just loafing around, twiddling their thumbs. No one really had thought of the possibility that Queen Callista wouldn't hand over Madkat, so no one bothered thinking up a plan. Until, who should flail into camp but the drenched clown messenger. He collapsed into Boss's arms.  
  
"I've . . . failed . . . you . . . ugh." He choked, before shutting his eyes and lolling his tongue out.  
  
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.  
  
"We don't even know what happened yet!" Dark Kat replied.  
  
"Cause he ain't talkin'!" Molly retorted.  
  
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.  
  
Dark Kat groaned. "Clowns. I'm surrounded by clowns!" Realizing what he'd just said, Dark Kat turned pinkish.  
  
"C'mon, kat! Wake up!" Boss rallied, shaking the messenger's shoulder.  
  
" . . . Can I slap him?"  
  
"No!" Came the immediate response from everyone to Dark Kat's query.  
  
"Gimme' a pie! Stat!" Boss yelled. A pie was placed in his awaiting paw. He sniffed at it, and then threw it angrily aside. "What are you mad!? He can't handle cream cheese! I need coconut, and I need it now!"  
  
Finally, after smacking a coconut cream pie into the messenger's face, he woke up. Groggily, he turned his head to look at Boss.  
  
"Madkat . . . forced to tell bad jokes . . . padded room . . . crocs in moat . . ." He managed to get out.  
  
"Good job, soldier. You've earned your rest." Boss replied, signaling two other clowns to take the messenger to his room.  
  
"This is outrageous! Who does this Queen Callista think she is?!" Dark Kat growled.  
  
"That's right! Let's kill him!" Mac shouted.  
  
Molly looked at her husband. "Shat up."  
  
"Well, I guess it's hopeless. Now we'll never see our beloved cult leader ever again." Boss sniffled, on the verge of crying outright.  
  
"Now, now, we have only begun to fight! We're gonna' get Madkat back for you, and maybe while we're at it, even steal some pepper stew!" Dark Kat cheered.  
  
Everyone around him blinked. One of the clown's in the back scratched himself then spoke up.  
  
"We dun' like no peppa' ste-uw!" He replied in short.  
  
Dark Kat paused. "Well . . . maybe they'll have some nice fruit pies. Give you all a change in pace." He said thoughtfully.  
  
Now everyone around him gasped in wonderment. The same clown from before even stopped scratching himself to reply.  
  
"We's all like fruit pie vury much!" He answered. All the clowns nodded in excited agreement.  
  
"Then pack up your arsenal of cream pies, and wherever those bulldozers went, go get them too!" Dark Kat ordered, "It's siege time!"  
  
A loud cheer rained throughout the camp.  
  
Dark Kat turned to the Metallikats.  
  
"I'd like you two to be the head-"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Er, I'd like you two to be in command of those bulldozers that somehow made their way into the past. We're going to have to actually work together on this. Here's the plan, I'll-" Dark Kat suddenly turns towards the author. "Ahem! A little privacy!"  
  
So the three villains work out their siege plans in 'private'. Geez . . .  
  
--------------------------------Somewhere in the ground . . .  
  
The Pastmaster was still at it, digging feverishly as his encounter with some peculiarly placed magma was scorching his bum. Finally escaping from it's grasp, the old sorcerer sighed heavily, his breaths coming short and rapid.  
  
"Curses! They must have placed a pool of lava in between me and the surface!" He bellowed, starting to dig once again. "Can't believe all the trouble they went through to bury me . . . but it will all prove to no avail! As I, the Pastmaster, will rise again!!"  
  
Somewhere in his boney gut, the Pastmaster just knew that he was getting closer to the surface. His gut instinct proved true when he finally burst through the last few layers of soil. Jumping out of the hole cackling like a mad kat, he was temporarily blinded by the immense light emitted from the sun.  
  
"Finally!! I will now complete my . . . my . . . y'oh boy."  
  
Several short, beady-eyed kats stood around him, pointing and talking in Chinese. They wore strange little hats, and their thin, long mustaches hung loosely from their muzzles. The Pastmaster had dug his way straight through the middle of the planet.  
  
"Hmm, I . . . I must be in one of those suburban areas outside Megalith City, I guess." Pastmaster reasoned, "Um, excuse me, can I get a ride to Megalith City?"  
  
All the foreign kats were silent then all at once erupted into strange conversation and laughing, some pointing at the Pastmaster's attire.  
  
"Something tells me I'm not in Kansas anymore . . ."  
  
--------------------------------Just outside Megalith City . . .  
  
"Purpledude to Metalhead, over! Do you read me Metalhead!"  
  
"Uh, that's a big 10-4 Dark Kat!"  
  
"Oh you! You're supposed to call me Purpledude, Mac! It's my codename, like yours is Metalhead! See?" Dark Kat growled into his coconut.  
  
"Oh, yeah, copy that Purpledude!" Mac retorted through his coconut.  
  
"Now, Metalhead, we'll initiate the siege as planned just as soon as-"  
  
"What's my codename?"  
  
"Wha?! Who's there?" Dark Kat demanded.  
  
"It's ah, Molly. She wants a code name . . ." Mac responded.  
  
Clenching his fists and teeth, Dark Kat threw down his coconut and turned to the two Metallikats in the bush beside him.  
  
"This is just not working! Look, you go attack the castle from the other side, and we'll take up the front here, okay?" Dark Kat stated.  
  
"Affirmative! C'mon Molly." Mac replied, bouncing off back into the woods.  
  
"But I wanna' codename . . ." She meekly answered, following him.  
  
"Alright, how about Stupid?" Mac suggested.  
  
"Knock it off ya' dolt!" Molly retorted, cured of her codename fetish.  
  
"Okay, it's now or never," Dark Kat said to Boss, who was laying beside him behind the bush. He was shaking like a leaf.  
  
"Would you care to announce our siege?" Dark Kat asked.  
  
"N-n-no! Th-that's o-o-okay! Y-y-you can d-d-do it!" Boss replied quickly.  
  
Dark Kat smiled gleefully, for he had wanted to do it anyway. "All right clowns, CHARGE!!!"  
  
And with that, the clowns burst forth from the woods and ran towards Megalith City.  
  
--------------------------------To be continued . . .  
  
Wow, another part done! This is actually record time for myself, believe it or not. Well, ah, stay tuned for the next chapter, which will hopefully draw the conclusion of this little mad fiasco. 


	3. Final Take

Just A Harmless Siege: Take 3  
  
From Whiplash Productions  
  
Copyright Jazz: Mr. T suddenly appears in a flash of light. "Hey sucka', I pity the fool who thinks this guy owns Swat Kats! My mans from Swat Kats are copyright to Hanna-Barbara, and I don't wanna' hear no jibber-jabber 'bout it! The T has spoken!" Mr. T vanishes.  
  
*Author's Notation: Eh heh . . . no comment . . . just read this slacker's insane ending. Thank you all for your patience and wonderful comments and ideas. There are some parts in the chapter that may be a little stronger than PG, but still not, I don't think, classifiable as PG-13. So . . . once again, I apologize for the wait, and hopefully by wrapping things up I can focus on some new ideas I've conjured up in these past few inactive months. But for now, I leave you with this.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
"You're majesty!" A guard rushed into the royal boredom room, where Madkat was busy juggling three flaming swords while balancing on a large ball and humming "Eye of the Tiger". Needless to say, with the guardsmen's hasty entrance, he lost his concentration.  
  
"Ack-gulp!" Madkat toppled to the floor, where all three swords landed in his mouth. Eyes bulging from the extreme heat, Madkat promptly spat them out and ran around the room with smoke billowing from his enflamed mouth.  
  
Callista had a fit of hysteria, toppling out of her throne booming with laughter. The guardsmen with urgent news even stopped to point and laugh at the smoking Madkat. Wiping tears from her eyes, Callista somehow managed to claw her way back into the throne.  
  
"Yes . . . Royal guardsmen - hehe! - you had some . . . news?" Callista asked breathlessly, still giggling.  
  
The guard promptly stood to attention, his face twisted in an expression of graveness and amusement. "My queen, we're . . . phht!" The guard broke down and started laughing once again at Madkat's plight.  
  
"Spit it out, fool!" Callista roared.  
  
"We're under attack! Woohoohoo!! The clowns! Weeheehee! They're . . . bahahaha! . . . throwing cream pies . . . guahahaha! . . . at our south wall . . . wahahaha . . . and bulldozing our moat from the north . . . ahahahaha! I think . . . gehehehe . . . we're all . . . teeheehee . . . gonna' die!! Neeheeheehee!" The guard bellowed, clutching his gut in laughter.  
  
"WHAT!?! This is no laughing matter, you numbskull!! I just had the south wall painted!! And what in kat's name is 'bulldozing'?" Callista exclaimed, jumping from her throne. "Those vile clowns! They'll pay for this outrage!" She glared at her guard, still lying on the floor snickering. "Stop laughing!! It wasn't that funny! We're in a grave situation here!! Do you hear me?! Why you, grr!"  
  
As the guardsmen continued to spasm with laughter, Callista's face turned bright red, and she reached for one of the swords dripping with Madkat's saliva.  
  
--------------------------------*We interrupt this potentially PG-13 scene to bring you this*  
  
A battered and bruised Dr. Viper hobbles onto the screen. His tail and leg are bandaged up, and a crutch resides under one of his arms.  
  
"Hey there, kiddiesssss! You're good friend Dr. Viper here!" He greeted, with as much enthusiasm as he could manage out of his swollen jaw.  
  
A small kitten, dressed in a Swat Kat costume bounced into the scene.  
  
"Gee whiz, Dr. Viper, why do you look like a rotten vegetable, all battered and bruised?" The little kitten asks, paws folded behind his back innocently.  
  
"GAH!! Help!! Mayday!! Rape!" Viper screamed, nearly jumping out of his casts before realizing the incredible shortness of this "Swat Kat" before him. Regaining his composure, Viper pulled out his inhaler and took many a slow, deep breath as the young tot looked on in puzzlement.  
  
"Golly, Dr. Viper, you sure seem nervous! Got ants in your pants?" The small kitten noticed, still obviously confused.  
  
Viper threw him a glare, as they remained in perpetual silence for quite some seconds.  
  
"For one thing, I am not nervoussssss!" Viper finally hissed, trying to smile and seem pleasant while doing so, "And it'sssss quite impossssssible for me to have antssss in my pantssss sssssseeing asssss I don't have any pantssssss on in the firsssst plassssce! Sssssilly, sssssilly, stupidSwatKatimpersonating . . . boy."  
  
Viper continued grinning widely as he stiffly patted the boy's small head. The kitten snickered somewhat, pointing at Viper.  
  
"Boy, those Swat Kats sure messed you up after you sent that giant palm tree monster into Megakat City in the last chapter! I figured, being the 254th official third Swat Kat and all, I should make sure you don't try anything funny by taunting and degrading your self-esteem while masked in my naïve innocence." He gloated, standing proudly.  
  
Viper's eyes suddenly shot open, and a light bulb appeared over his head. Giving a devilish grin, Viper clicked off the light bulb over his head and looked down at the small kitten by his side.  
  
"Oh, oh! You wisssssh to help the Ssssswat Katssss do you, my dear boy? Well why didn't you ssssssay ssssso? I have jussssst the thing that will help you defeat them-me! Defeat me! Not them. Me. I. Mysssself. Defeat Viper. No defeat Ssssswat Katssss. Okay?" Viper gleamed, pulling a flask out of his leg cast.  
  
"Well, golly Dr. Viper, that's awful nice of you!" The kitten smiled, "After all, the Swat Kats Official Third Member Handbook says that I am suppose to single-handedly defeat the villain! What do I do?"  
  
"Jusssst drink down this yummy cherry flavored kataly-er, villain remover, and in no time at all, you'll be helping the Ssssswat Katsssss!" Viper chimed, edging the vial towards the small kat's mouth.  
  
"B-But, I don't like cherry," The kitten whined, frowning at the vial nearing him.  
  
"That'ssss okay," Viper stated gruffly, forcing the contents of the vial down the young lad's throat, "I lied anywayssss. The flavor'ssss terrible."  
  
The kitten gasped, as his entire body began to wrinkle, and his demeanor turned utterly sour. After a moments time of mutation, Viper himself couldn't suppress the gasp that followed the hideous thing the poor kitten had become. Alas, the Swat Kat impersonating youngster had been turned into . . . Simon Clawell.  
  
"You know Dr. Viper, you could very well be the worst super-villain in the world. I think your whole swamp fetish is an absolute joke," He stated, arms folded across his chest.  
  
"Eh . . . well . . . I know you are but what am I!" Viper retorted, sticking out his tongue, "Now ussssse your amazing gift of . . . grouchinessss to demean and put down the Ssssswat Katssss . . . and Dark Kat. Essssspessscially Dark Kat. Commander Feral too. In fact, the whole populassssce of Megakat City. I guessss that'sss sssssinisssster enough even for you . . ."  
  
The creature went on its destructive way. Sensing this was the end of the Viper installment, two legal attorneys marched into the scene, attaché cases by their side. They wore green suits and had recycled ties that read "Save the Earth" and "Planeteer Power" over them.  
  
"Uh, d-don't fail to remind yourssssself," Viper stated, looking over his shoulder uneasily, "Th-the ability or capasssscity to do ssssomething issss, um . . . gimme' a Y, gimme' a O, gimme' a U, gimme' a R, gimme' a Sssss! What' doessss that sssspell? YOURSsssss!! Eh heh . . . "  
  
Viper gave a big innocent grin, sweat drops pouring down his features as the lawyers tapped their moccasins and crossed their arms in an irritated fashion.  
  
--------------------------------*We now return you to our regularly scheduled story*  
  
"And if you *ever* disobey me again, guard," Callista growled, "I'll poke out more than just one eye! Capeesh!"  
  
"Oh no, your highness! Please!" The guard cried, weeping into his hands, "Spare the innocent potato! I cannot bare to see poor vegetables tortured!"  
  
Holding a maimed potato in one hand, the sword in the other, Callista cackled evilly and walked up to the guard.  
  
"Quick! Round up the Queen's loyal knights and have them do battle against those ruffian clowns!" Callista barked, shoving the potato and sword into the sobbing guard's hands, "Oh, and release . . . the secret weapon!"  
  
The guard gasped. "No! You don't mean . . ."  
  
"Yes," Callista stated gravely, "We must. Guard, I'm asking you to . . . to . . . unleash the banana peels!"  
  
The guard gasped, dropping the potato and sword with a squish and a smash, but nonetheless bowed and hurried to carry out the order.  
  
--------------------------------On the front lines . . .  
  
"Things are going wonderfully!" Dark Kat praised, cackling, "Go, my klownlings, attack! Bwahahaha!"  
  
Indeed, the tide was in fact in Dark Kat and Co.'s favor for the moment. They had successfully covered the entire south wall with cream pies, and the bulldozers were busy scooping out the water from the moat. The castle's guards were completely aghast at what they should do. They weren't exactly being threatened yet, save those among them who had terrible allergic reactions to coconut cream pie, so no retaliation was set in motion yet.  
  
The crocodiles, on the other claw, weren't too appreciative of their moat water being dumped out. They were huddled together in knee-deep water, arms linked around their shoulders.  
  
"Okay, we'll do it like this," One crocodile stated, looking around at the rest, "Shorty'll go up the middle while Scales fakes a hand off to Reggie. Wanda and Willy will block up field, while the rest of us make profane gestures towards the stands. Alright?"  
  
All the crocodiles grunted in agreement.  
  
"Break!"  
  
The gators broke from their huddle and took up their positions on the bank, right in front of a running bulldozer. The clown attending the bulldozer was, of course, slacking off by dozing in the middle of the siege. The head croc walked up behind his offensive line, leaned down behind a crouched center croc, and patted the center's tail.  
  
"47! 22! Bluuuuuue-hut! Hut! Hike!"  
  
All at once, all of the crocodiles switched into blue tunics with little blue caps and whistled innocently as they strolled up to the bulldozer, swinging their nightsticks casually. Before the napping clown knew what hit him, the crocs had roughly pulled him from the running bulldozer and thrown him to the grown.  
  
"Police brutality! Police brutality!" The clown cried, as the gang of crocodiles proceeded to rough him up.  
  
A dozen or so other clowns quickly rushed to their comrade's aid by circling the group of crocs and videotaping it all.  
  
"Hang in their, pally! We're gettin' all this on tape!"  
  
"This kind of clown segregation must end before someone gets hurt!"  
  
"Oooh! He felt that one!"  
  
"That's right! Show the camera pain! You're doing beautifully, bud!"  
  
Soon after the carnage had started, it ended by the head croc and his gang leaping into the bulldozer and chugging off into the forest, singing "We Are The Champions." Mac and Molly just stood in the midst of this all, somewhat taken aback, as one of their bulldozers had just been highjacked by a pack of crocodiles.  
  
"Well . . . at least we don't have ta' worry about the crocodiles anymore . . ." Mac said offhand.  
  
"And we's still gots a couple more bulldozers, right . . ." Molly offered.  
  
As they turned back towards the moat, they were horrified to find a group of piranhas taking the same formation as the crocs against one of their bulldozers, and farther down, a pack of leeches were just now breaking from their huddle in the moat.  
  
"How are things coming along, my klownling?" Dark Kat questioned, coming up to the pie catapult.  
  
"Okay, for one thing, I am *not* your klownling. That just sounds, sick and wrong," A spectacled clown stated, looking up from it's notepad, "For another thing, at the rate we're pieing the castle, I calculate the wall will corrode and allow us entry in around four thousand years, give or take a thousand."  
  
"Excellent!" Dark Kat praised, "No . . . wait . . ."  
  
Just at that moment, a flustered Boss clambered up to Dark Kat.  
  
"Dark Kat! They're throwing out the-Ugh!" Boss collapsed into Dark Kat's arms before he could finish.  
  
"What man! What!?" Dark Kat growled, "What are they throwing ou- . . . holy hairball!"  
  
As Boss had fallen into Dark Kat's arms, it revealed a banana peel stuck right on the small of the temporary cult leader's back. Dark Kat gasped, dropped Boss with a thud, and looked towards the castle walls.  
  
The guards were taking up positions along the perimeter, tossing banana peels down on the battlefield below. Meanwhile, groups of guards were hefting barrels of banana peels over the edge where they exploded into a fray of banana carnage. The clowns were taking heavy casualties.  
  
"Well . . . surely the bulldozers are making progress!" Dark Kat said hopefully.  
  
At that moment, Mac and Molly hopped up to the large purple kat, each with a banana peel adorning their head like a hat.  
  
"Eh . . . how would yous define so-called 'progress.'" Mac queried nervously, "By all our clowns *progressing* away from the battlefield, or perhaps by our quick *progression* from victory ta' bein' skunked . . .?"  
  
"B-b-but . . . the bulldozers . . .!" Dark Kat cried.  
  
"It's like this," Molly explained, "All the bulldozers are either on their sides from slippin' on banana peels, buried in banana peels, or being high jacked by any creatures still left in the moat, includin' banana peels."  
  
A bulldozer full of joyriding banana peels chugged by, with much hooting and hollering escaping from within it. As it drove by, one especially wild peel dangled dangerously out the window.  
  
"Heya' baby! Why doncha' ditch that tin can and split with me! Whoowhoo!" It hollered.  
  
"Fresh talkin' fruit . . ." Molly growled.  
  
"Whadda' we gonna' do, Dark Kat? They're killin' us here!" Mac said, pointing out the obvious.  
  
Dark Kat's frame suddenly took on a heroic stance. "I know now what I must do," He stated plain and simple, climbing up into the catapult. It creaked and groaned horribly under the weight.  
  
"Uh, Dark Kat, whadda' ya' think your doin'?" Molly asked queerly, hopping up beside the catapult.  
  
"No. Don't try to stop me. I must do what I must do," Dark Kat answered gravely.  
  
Mac blinked. ". . .And that would be . . .?"  
  
"You must hurl me over the wall so I may single handedly defeat Callista and restore Madkat to his rightful place as clown cult leader! It is my destiny . . ." Dark Kat dramatically narrated.  
  
"Heh, maybe if we aim *for* the wall, Lardo here will knock it down for us," Molly murmured to Mac.  
  
Dark Kat looked annoyed. "I heard that you know! Just fire me off already!" He grumbled.  
  
"Whatever. It's your funeral," Mac muttered, pushing the lever back.  
  
After a moment's hesitation, the sturdy catapult somehow managed to actually fling Dark Kat a great distance over the moat, but sadly, not high enough to clear the wall. He screamed like a little girl during the entirety of his careen towards the stone structure. A thunderous boom sounded as his form collided into the wall, leaving a massive imprint. After a moments time, the guards who were clinging to each other slowly untangled and went to scrutinize the damage done. As they looked down at the pain-ridden body of Dark Kat plastered to the side of the wall, faint chuckles escaped many of them in their glee to still be standing.  
  
"Alright! We're alive!" A shout rang out.  
  
Everyone suddenly cringed, as the words bounced across the castle's stone walls and made a faint tremor. Nothing. A sigh of relief escaped the hushed guards.  
  
"Phew! That was a close one, huh?" Someone bellowed.  
  
Murder radiated from everyone's eyes at the moron who'd said that, but it was too late. The wall began to tremor violently, and the guards were forced to flee before it completely collapsed. After a few seconds of utter demolishment, all that was left of the south wall was a pile of rubble with some cream pie topping. Oh, and of course, Dark Kat.  
  
"Mac . . ." Dark Kat growled hoarsely, popping his head out from the top of the rubble, very much in pain, "You . . . did that . . . on purpose . . .!"  
  
--------------------------------Somewhere across the globe . . .  
  
"Curse this infernal backwards culture!" The Pastmaster fumed, trying desperately to find a bus station, "They use their own people to tote them from here to there, while letting the lesser creatures of this planet ride first class."  
  
Two well-to-do chickens driving by in a cart happened to hear the Pastmaster's rants and came to a halt.  
  
"I say, who's he calling lesser creatures of the planet? Surely not us!" One said.  
  
"Oh, Harold! Don't be ridiculous! Let the poor dumb beast ramble a little," The other confirmed, paying the kat who had pulled them on the cart.  
  
"Ah, very well then! Shall we cross the road, my dear?"  
  
"Oh, Harold! I thought you'd never ask!"  
  
"Where's a sorcerer have to go around here to get a dragon anyways? That's what I need to get back to Megalith City in style!" The Pastmaster growled.  
  
"Egad! A dragon!" A miscellaneous kat yelled in a poorly dubbed voice, pointing at the sky.  
  
A giant, scruffy looking red dragon swooshed out of the sky right above the small village. Everyone looked up, shrugged, and went on with everyday life. The dragon eyed the citizens warily when they failed to notice it and sighed deeply, tail tucked between its legs, and started to head off dejectedly.  
  
"Ahahahaha! My ticket home!" The Pastmaster snickered, "Wait! Hold on! You there! The big red dragon!"  
  
The hovering dragon paused, looked around for anything else that might fit that description, and turned around questioningly.  
  
"Are you addressing me, sir?" It asked in a rather pathetic sounding voice, landing in front of the Pastmaster.  
  
"Uh . . .er, yes. Yes I am," The Pastmaster replied, taken aback by the frail sounding dragon, "I . . . um . . . am the all-powerful sorcerer known as the Pastmaster. Heed my will or face my wrath!"  
  
There was an awkward silence. Then quite sudden like, the dragon threw up it's wings and let out a most terrified scream that lasted for a good two minutes straight, in which the Pastmaster spent holding onto a post for dear life with only his one arm.  
  
"Oh please! Don't hurt me!" The dragon suddenly wailed, cowering, wings shivering in front of its face, "I'll do anything you want! Anything!! Just don't-AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"  
  
"What? Just don't what?! Oh, do shut up! SHUT UP!!" The Pastmaster shouted at the top of his lungs over the ear-blistering screams of the dragon.  
  
The dragon abruptly stopped his screaming due to the Pastmaster's command, and sniveled pitifully as it waited for the small red kat to regain his footing with the ground.  
  
"You big oaf!" The Pastmaster started in, "What's the matter with you?! You're a menacing red dragon!! You should be terrorizing, not terrified! What's your name?!"  
  
"Th-Theodore," The dragon whimpered, eyes moistening.  
  
The Pastmaster took on a disgusted face. "Theodore?! What kind of dragon has a name like Theodore?!!" He growled indignantly, "None!! Absolutely no fierce dragon has a name like Theodore! For crying out loud, there was a singing chipmunk named Theodore!!"  
  
Theodore just stood there, lip quivering, on the verge of tears. The Pastmaster sighed, rubbing his head in extreme annoyance. Well, this was his only ticket to Megalith City, atop a crybaby dragon that was probably afraid of its own shadow.  
  
"AAAHHHHHH!!! AAAHHHHHH!!! Get it away!! Get it away!!" Theodore suddenly cried, running around in a circle.  
  
Correction, a crybaby dragon that *was* afraid of its own shadow.  
  
"Freeze, you scale-ridden bag of cowardice!" The Pastmaster demanded, running up to Theodore, "Now you listen to me! You will take me to Megalith City, and if I hear so much as a single squeak from you on the way there, you'll wish you'd never been hatched! Do you hear me?!"  
  
Theodore bit his lip, nodding furiously. That taken care of, the Pastmaster perched himself at the base of Theodore's neck, furiously cursing his bad luck and poor choice in dragons. Theodore flapped his wings a few times and then, began jogging! The Pastmaster was completely aghast.  
  
"By the tome of time, what do you think you're doing!?!" He shrilled.  
  
"W-Well, you said if you heard a s-single s-squeak from me, you'd make me wish I'd n-never been hatched," Theodore began, "A-and sometimes when I fly long distances, I-I wheeze something awful."  
  
"You will fly, NOW!!"  
  
In no time at all, Theodore was air born, choking back a small sob.  
  
--------------------------------Back at the castle . . .  
  
Dark Kat had somehow managed to squirm his figure out of the rubble encasing him. The air was thick with dust and debris, and the big kat felt his asthma catching hold of him. Whipping out his inhaler, he couldn't quite make it out of the oncoming rush of his clown troops over the broken barrier. They trampled over him in their mad dash into the castle.  
  
The fighting only intensified with the south wall now down. There were pie- ridden guards falling everywhere, with just as many banana peeled clowns scattered about the castle. The carnage was so gruesome, Callista just had to get a closer look. Lugging a chained Madkat behind her, they made their way to the highest tower and started wagering money on various skirmishes happening between her guards and the clowns.  
  
"I'll have you know, my clowns are specially trained in the modern art of Pie-Fu! We're gonna' cream your guards, literally!" Madkat boasted.  
  
"Ho ho, that is where you are wrong, Madkat! For it is my guards, specially trained for covert missions and guerrilla tactics, who will ambush and obliterate your clown forces!" Callista shot back.  
  
Finally hopping their way up the rubble, Mac and Molly stopped to take a breather.  
  
"Look, Mac! Up on the highest tower there! It's Callista and some chained up guy wearing spandex!" Molly announced.  
  
"Nuts! Some guys have all the luck . . ." Mac grumbled.  
  
Before Molly had a chance to pound her husband for the comment, the rubble they were on began to shift. Both Metallikats were flung into the air as the raging form of Dark Kat jumped up from his sprawled out position atop the pile of rubble.  
  
"Mac Mange, you little rust bucket!! Just you wait until I . . .I . . ." Dark Kat looked around in a clueless stupor, unable to spot either of the Metallikats.  
  
The two metallic heads were thrown so far in fact, they were hurtling right towards the top of the highest tower, where Callista and Madkat were deadlocked in a match of arm wrestling.  
  
"Ha ha! I see you use the ancient art form of Pinky Toushi in your arm wrestling!" Callista laughed, teeth gritted together, "However, you fail to realize that I have, indeed, mastered the only possible counter-attack to your Pinky Toushi by learning the Kican Stictong technique."  
  
"No!" Madkat shrieked, completely taken off-guard, "That's impossible!"  
  
Callista executed her secret technique by promptly kicking Madkat in the shin and sticking her tongue out, causing the magical jester to temporarily yelp in pain. This resulted in Madkat losing position, his arm falling dangerously close to being overtaken by the queen's arm. He knew he'd have to try something pretty desperate to get out of this horrible predicament.  
  
"Oh . . . uh . . . look!! Two flying metallic heads coming this way! Watch out!" Madkat suddenly shouted, pointing behind Callista.  
  
"Gah!!" Callista shrilled, ducking her head and easing up her arm.  
  
Grinning evilly and beginning to laugh aloud, Madkat caught her arm off guard and managed to push his back up to an upright position. "You idiot! I can't believe you fell for that! There's no such thing as-ack!!"  
  
At that very moment, two metallic heads collided with Madkat's own. He was sent reeling over the edge of the highest tower, dragging along the rather dumbfounded queen. Mac and Molly continued screaming their heads off, pun intended, as they were now joined by the other two in a frightening free- fall towards the castle floor.  
  
"Oh Maaaac! Mollllllly! Where arrrrrrrrrre yooooou? I *promise* not to throw you down my garbage disposal once we get back to MKC . . ." Dark Kat called out, crossing his fingers behind his back, as he searched the battle zone for his two cohorts.  
  
Suddenly, the fighting stopped, as everyone's eyes locked onto their respective leader, tumbling towards their doom after falling from the tower. Dark Kat followed the crowd's gaze only to gasp.  
  
"Kats alive!! They're gonna' die! I've got to do something!" He bellowed, starting towards the base of the tower.  
  
Suddenly, a miniature Dark Kat, completely red, with little horns and a pitchfork, appeared on his shoulder, knocking him on the head.  
  
"Hellooooo! Moron!" It sassed, slowing Dark Kat to a stop, "What are you thinking? Let the four wussies fall! That way, you can take over both their empires and set yourself as the supreme ruler of medieval times! Der!"  
  
"Hey . . . you know something . . . you have an excellent point!" Dark Kat thought, grinning evilly.  
  
At that very moment, another small Dark Kat appeared on his shoulder, just as red, with the same pointy horns and pitchfork.  
  
"Nah!" This one spat, "Go ahead and save 'em! That way, you can personally force them into submission and have them and all their followers become your personal, devoted slaves!"  
  
Dark Kat paused, looking at this new apparition on his shoulder.  
  
"Say! That suggestion was just as evil as the other guy's!" He announced, somewhat perplexed, "What about that other one? You know, with the harp and the wings?"  
  
The two small Dark Kats just looked at him, as seconds ticked by in perpetual silence.  
  
"Oh . . . yeah . . . right . . ." Dark Kat finally pieced together.  
  
Suddenly, yet another devilish Dark Kat specter zapped into existence, right atop the big purple kat's head.  
  
"Don't listen to them, Darkie baby!" It rang, hanging down to look Dark Kat in the eye, "What you wanna' do is-"  
  
"Gah!!" Dark Kat jumped back in surprise, "What?!? Three!?!"  
  
"Well . . . yeah!" The first one replied, scratching its head, "There's actually quite a few of us . . . it's just usually you don't need an evil conscious, so we've quietly multiplied until the fateful day when you would actually subconsciously call for us."  
  
Dozens of little red, horned, pitchfork wielding Dark Kats suddenly zapped into existence, all lounging on any spot they could find available on the giant purple kat. As Dark Kat's eyes bulged at all the miniature replicas of himself, they all began flapping their jaws as to the best way to handle the impending situation while ending up ruling the world in the end.  
  
A couple of guards and clowns snickered, pointing at Dark Kat as his head kept snapping round and round, hands clamped over his ears. Giving a low growl, he finally unlatched his ears and roared.  
  
"QUIET!! ALL OF YOU!!"  
  
The few guards and clowns immediately shut up, eyes bulging at Dark Kat and then glancing at each other. Some made cuckoo sounds, while spinning their finger near their head, while others slowly backed away eyes still locked onto him.  
  
"What to do! What to do! What to do!" Dark Kat fretted, hands clasped behind his back, as he unknowingly paced right under the path of the falling foursome.  
  
"Look! It's Dark Kat!" Mac shouted, still plummeting towards the ground.  
  
"We'res saved!" Molly rejoiced.  
  
Then, still deep in his thinking trance, Dark Kat paced out from under the falling four.  
  
"No, no! He moved!" Callista screamed.  
  
"We're doomed!" Madkat despaired.  
  
"I've got it!" Dark Kat praised, walking back, "I'll just sleep on it! Ha ha!"  
  
Flopping over onto his back, the giant kat closed his eyes and seemed to be nodding off. But before he even had a chance, the Metallikats landed squarely on his stomach and went bouncing off into a strategically placed haystack. One of Dark Kat's eyes flickered open.  
  
"Hmm? Who's tickling m-HOLY-!!"  
  
Dark Kat's wind was abruptly cut off as a sheepish Madkat waved at him after crashing into his gut and being flipped back off into the same haystack as the Manges, followed promptly by Queen Callista. Everyone was okay, and a loud cheer reigned out.  
  
"Hooray! The fat kat hath saved our queen!"  
  
Dark Kat, after taking a few more whiffs of his inhaler, arched an eyebrow at the excited exclamation. "Whoa, now just a minute-"  
  
"Hurrah!! To all the blubber we owe our praise!"  
  
"Well! That was completely uncalled f-"  
  
"Yippee! Our leader was redeemed by the flab!!"  
  
"Hey! You're not exactly skin and bones yourself bud-"  
  
"SILENCE!!" A sudden voice boomed from the sky, hushing all those who cheered inside the castle.  
  
"Owie!" Another voice rang out, cracking with sobs, "You y-yelled right in m-my ear . . . and it was v-very unkind."  
  
Everyone's gaze turned to the sky, and a collective gasp let out at the sight that met them. Atop a misty eyed red dragon, the Pastmaster stood, somewhat annoyed by that last comment, but still an intimidating sight to behold nonetheless.  
  
"It's SPLEEN!! He's alive!!" Dark Kat rejoiced, jumping up and down giddily.  
  
The Pastmaster's annoyed look seemed to intensify at the sight of the large purple arm-stealer below. Snapping his fingers at Theodore, the red dragon slowly fluttered to the ground within the castle. Carefully sitting down and giving himself a bit of a push, the Pastmaster slid down Theodore's back and tail, tumbling head over heels until he ran into Dark Kat's feet. Holding his dizzied head, the Pastmaster slowly regained his feet as everyone looked on in complete and utter terror.  
  
"You!" The Pastmaster growled, pointing a bony hand at Dark Kat's nose.  
  
All was silent. No one stirred. In fact, no one breathed. When things continued like this for a few minutes, some even collapsed from lack of oxygen. Finally, Dark Kat opened his mouth.  
  
"V?" He simply said.  
  
"W!!" The Pastmaster snarled, shaking his fist.  
  
"X . . ." Dark Kat trailed off, looking away.  
  
"Y?" The Pastmaster replied, coming up to him, a saddened expression on his face.  
  
"Z . . . oh Z . . ." Dark Kat murmured reaching into his cloak.  
  
"What . . . are they doin'. . .?" Molly asked, completely at a loss.  
  
"Shh!! It's getting to the good part!" Mac hushed, a tear in his eye.  
  
Out of his cloak, Dark Kat revealed the treasured, not to mention red, left arm of the Pastmaster. The Pastmaster's eyes lit up, as he snatched up the bone and soundly slapped Dark Kat across the jaw with it.  
  
"Bwahahahaha!! Now . . .!! To send you ugly face-painting beings from the future into the vortex of despair, where you're doomed to spend eternity jazzercising with Kitchard Simmons!! Gwahahaha!!" The Pastmaster cackled, popping the arm back into his empty socket.  
  
"Despair?!" Mac cried.  
  
"Ugly?!" Madkat shouted.  
  
"Richard . . .er, Kitchard Simmons?!!" Molly shrieked.  
  
"Jazzercising!!!??!" Dark Kat wailed, turning pale.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes, and *especially* yes! Wahahaha!" The Pastmaster jeered, pointing at them all.  
  
Finally clawing her way out of the haystack, Callista glared at the Pastmaster.  
  
"Pastmaster, you wretched little gnome! How dare you defile this perfectly healthy siege with your foul smelling presence!" She barked.  
  
"Flattery will get you nowhere sweetums," The Pastmaster gleamed with a bow, "So just sit your pretty little self down and watch me take care of these filthy clowns."  
  
"Wait!" Callista warned, "You can't!"  
  
"Wow, the queen really does care." Mac commented.  
  
"I knew you had it in ya', Queenie!" Madkat smiled proudly.  
  
"Huh, what? Ugh, don't talk to me! Losers . . ." Callista snapped, flicking her hair, "PM, you can't send them into the vortex of despair without also throwing in this really, really stupid cow my hunters found. I mean, it's so stupid, it thinks it can talk."  
  
"But I *can* talk!! What are you people, deaf or something?!" A familiar looking steer snorted, trotting into the scene.  
  
"GASP!!" Dark Kat squeaked, completely taken aback, "Jezebel!! You're alive!!"  
  
"Yeah," Jezebel sighed, rolling its eyes, "It's part of the story's big surprise ending."  
  
"Aw . . .she's so cute when she acts like she knows what your saying," Dark Kat cooed, "But wow! This is great! It's like, raise-from-the-dead day or something! Man, I feel so good, I could just conquer a small nation . . . really!"  
  
"Oh, gag me!" The Pastmaster groaned, holding up his watch, "I'm throwing you all in before anymore sentimental crap leaks into this ridiculous story! Evil forces of which I really don't care, throw these morons into the vortex of-"  
  
"An Enforcer cell!"  
  
" . . .What? Nononono!! That's not right! You idiot!" The Pastmaster cursed, thrashing at Theodore like mad.  
  
Yet before the Pastmaster had time to revert the spell, Dark Kat, the Metallikats, Madkat, all the clowns, and even Jezebel were sucked into a spiraling vortex and disappeared. The Pastmaster raged even more, swinging his fists around, hitting a few guards in his fury, and even unknowingly knocking out Callista with a swing across the chin. Unfortunately, his left arm, being just newly required and set, suddenly plopped out of its socket with a hard thud to the ground. Almost in tears with anger, the Pastmaster finally turned to Theodore, one arm short.  
  
"What were you thinking, you infernal red blockhead!?!?" He screeched, clenching his teeth and hand and just about anything that could be clenched.  
  
"Well . . .I uh, rhyming games always g-get me excited, so I-I just kinda' said the first thing that c-came into my head . . ." Theodore explained, eyes moistening and lip quivering.  
  
The Pastmaster began twitching convulsively, his face contorting into that of pure malice and hatred.  
  
"An . . . Enforcer . . . cell . . . was the first . . . thing . . . that came to your mind . . .?" He started, before completely boiling over, "YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!!! THAT DIDN'T EVEN RHYME!!! AND HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT ENFORCERS!!??"  
  
--------------------------------Somewhere over the rainbow . . .  
  
A frenzied knocking came at Commander Feral's door, as a wry looking officer let himself in. Feral froze, an Enforcer Commando Barbie in one hand, an Innocent Victim Ken in the other.  
  
"Commander Feral . . . sir . . ." The lieutenant started, peering at him rather oddly.  
  
"Yes . . . Lt.?" Feral replied, somewhat clearing his throat.  
  
"We, ah, had this weird spectral anomaly open up in one of our cells, and, heh, you're not going to believe this!" The Lt. chuckled, slapping his knee and leaning himself against the wall.  
  
"I'll believe it!" Feral growled impatiently, clutching his Enforcer Commando doll even tighter.  
  
"Well, out of this vortex thing comes Dark Kat, two metal balls that we're confirming as the Metallikats' heads, Madkat, a bunch of clowns, and this steer." The Lt. explains.  
  
"Yes . . .your point . . .?" Feral seethed, turning a bit pinkish.  
  
"It's just, they plopped right into the jail cell and now are demanding to see their lawyers. Just thought you ought to know, sir." The Lt. finished.  
  
"Okay, well, now I do . . .soleavemealone!" Feral barked, shaking Innocent Victim Ken at the officer.  
  
"Yes sir. Just doing my job." The Lt. replied, saluting, and turning to leave.  
  
" . . . and lieutenant." Feral said darkly, a sudden shadow falling across his face.  
  
"Yes, sir?" The Lt. asked, looking back.  
  
"You never saw any of this . . ."  
  
"I never do sir . . ."  
  
"Good . . ."  
  
"Good . . ."  
  
"You're getting a raise . . ."  
  
"I know . . ."  
  
"Oh . . ."  
  
"Good day to you, sir . . ."  
  
"You too, Lt. . . ."  
  
--------------------------------The . . . dare I say it? . . .End  
  
Okay, so it took me nearly a year to finish this stupid thing, and it was still just as bad as the rest of the story. If you can still remember the point of this fic, reviews are happily accepted as always, and maybe someday I'll break these boys outta' prison for a threequel. Until then, thanks for reading! 


End file.
